Early this week I got a call from my dad. I admit, when he calls I dread it. I answer, but it always feels forced. It's a lot of him talking about work and not a lot of listening. How could a grandpa rather talk about what he bid for a tree job verses hearing about his granddaughter trying to comb her own hair? It's gotten to the point where it doesn't really bother me anymore, it just puzzles me. Conversations often also include attempts at lectures and guilt trips. I don't know how to make things better. I think a lot of it has to do with all the hurt that's still there and the fact that he acts as if everything is okay. And it's not.
During this particular conversation dad dropped the bombshell that he is engaged. There are so many problems with this on so many levels! I don't even remember the gal's name. She lives out of state. They can't have been dating more than a few months (it started online). It's not that I'm against long distance relationships or online dating. But visiting each other for a few days is more like a vacation. What's this person like day in day out, doing laundry, grocery shopping, when they're tired?
This lady may very well be quite nice. But I can tell you if she knew the whole situation my dad has placed himself in, she'd be running the other direction! My dad needs to be satisfied with God before he can try to fill that void with another relationship. Plus, if he truly wants to call himself a Christian, he's heaping coals on his head by remarrying. "For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. Till death do us part." That vow is very serious. Marriage is *not* disposable. That's why it's such an important decision in the first place. He's already broken this vow with my mom. I don't hold her responsible, because he's the one who asked for the divorce and she tried getting him to do counseling instead. It truly seems like he's trying to replace his family.
I can't let my kids grow up thinking that this is acceptable. We won't sugar coat grandpa for them... he was selfish and wrong to treat his family like he has. This new lady will never be grandma. And since he's gone and found a "new" family, I can't baby him and invite him to Thanksgivings just because I don't want him to be alone. He can come to the kids' birthday parties (though, it sounds like he's getting married that weekend), but I don't feel as obligated to give him company.
What do I say to him with all of this in mind? I was so blown away when he told me the news that I didn't congratulate him. I just said, "Okay..." I don't know that he expected me to react any differently than I did. We will be seeing him next week, so I want to pray and have my words chosen wisely. He needs to know what to expect and like I said, I need to stop sheltering him from our dissatisfaction. But I definitely need a filter that doesn't let all of my bitterness out at once! The man bankrupted the century old family farm, his tree business, and himself personally. He left my husband without a job for 8+ months while I was pregnant and had our son 5 weeks prematurely. The farm at one point in time covered our insurance, but then suddenly we were having to pay $1,000/month without a paycheck, plus all our medical (my diabetes costs about $25/day to keep me alive). We went into debt, our credit score was damaged, and now we're having difficulty getting a loan to buy a house. I am sorry to be so negative, but I really just need to vent right now! This all traces back to my dad's foolish ambition to prove something to his dead father. It's all futile. If ever a man needed transforming love, it's my father! Keep us in your prayers please!
No comments:
Post a Comment