Make Me a Stable Bow

I know a woman who had fertility issues.  She and her husband were unable to conceive a child of their own and so they adopted a little boy and his younger sister.  They had been through such a struggle and she had wanted to be a mommy so long that I think her children became an idol to her.  Times when she should have been disciplining and using tough love, she instead went soft and acted more like a friend than a parent.  She wanted to be the cool, lovable mom every kid wants.  Her son (who is still under 10) has fetal alcohol syndrome and a slew of behavioral problems that come with it.  I'm afraid he is also displaying traits that socio-paths often have as children.  A friend is not what he needs.  Both his problems and his mother's idol issues are only amplified with the little sister's struggle with cancer and ultimately her death.  Not a situation I take lightly or perceive as easy.  But if either of my children were facing death I would want to prepare them for it.  We would be (and already are) having long discussions about Jesus, death, and eternal life.  This mother seems to have only clung to the hope that her daughter might survive if she prays the right way.  There didn't seem to be any comfort or preparation if the little girl were to face death.  Mommy was clinging so tightly to her title and image of mother that she ironically abandoned some very important duties that come with the role.  It has been a year since the little girl's death and the mother still grieves as I expect she should!  However, she's not grieving healthily.  She mopes and dwells in it and the poor little boy is standing by watching.  I fear that he's feeling like a less important child with how his mother is dwelling on his sister's death.  She is also setting an example for him and it doesn't sound like he's doing well at all.

I write this not to be critical, but as a reminder to myself of how easy it is to make something that is a blessing, such as children, an idol.  I know there are days where I probably do make my children more of a priority than I am making God.  It's so easy to let happen when you love someone so much. 

Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.

Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.

Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.

Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. ~Psalm 119:34-37

 In this God is assuring me that if I make Him the priority and put His plans first, I need not worry about how  much room that leaves for me to take care of my kids or for any other priority I may have.  God says that children are a blessing and I know that my devotion to God also includes the love and care of my babies.  He's not telling me to abandon them.  He's telling me to seek Him first!

I was laying awake thinking about this one night, wondering how to repent and change if I am making my children an idol.  So often people act as if running away from sin is the solution.  You have an alcohol problem?  Stay away from alcohol!  Are you a glutton?  Don't eat!  But we know that sin is not just our actions, but our thoughts and desires.  I may stay away from food, but that doesn't mean I'm still not letting the thought of it take charge of my mind!  No, running away is not the solution.  This has to do with my heart.  This is a good thing, because I'm pretty sure running away from my children is just as much of a sin as idolizing them is.

What do you think is a good way of fighting the temptation of idols?  I genuinely would love to know!  This section of one of my favorite books came to mind.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran