How many times have I done this before? I love journaling! I love looking back to see myself through words. To see the lessons I’ve learned, the lessons I’ve missed, the problems that still don’t have answers.
And yet, here I sit… a little stuck. It feels like there’s a pressure sitting on this first entry. What kind of tone do I wish to set? Who is my audience? I have had a handful of other online journals in the last decade, all of which I ventured into via a friend’s request. I knew my audience. I knew what I wanted to broadcast and in what way to do it. But this time I’m joining no one. It’s just me. I have no target and thus am almost plagued with an expanse of freedom. Well… maybe freedom is the wrong word. I don’t know *who* is going to read this! I am writing this for myself, but it’s inevitable that someone else might find their way here too!! Do I sound two-faced?
I don’t believe I am. Admit it; you talk differently depending on your company. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s actually a good thing. To be able to use sophisticated humor specific to your occupation with your co-workers and then switch gears to simple readily apparent jokes with a child… how valuable is that ability! You aren’t two-faced. You’re adjusting yourself to be best understood, to communicate, to be compassionate…
I highly value my compassion and feel it is an integral part of who God created me to be. When I’m not employing it regularly I not only feel like I’m not being true to myself, but I also feel as though I am cheating God. I hate feeling that way! I recognize that in the past I have avoided that feeling to such a degree that I accommodate people more than I should. I lose sight of my compassion’s purpose. As soon as I allow that God-given talent to overtake me to the point of sacrificing truth, I have crossed the line. I allowed myself to become the proverbial doormat, the used-friend that will say yes to everything if only for the sake of pleasing another friend. I am happy to say that I have made progress in this area. I find myself being bolder and saying more of what I believe, because I know it has basis in truth. I can only be so kind until it loops around and what I perceive as kindness actually turns into duplicity (albeit unintentional) and that is not fair or kind to all parties involved! Breaking free from this has been difficult at times. Where in that loop of kindness dwells the line where I cross into heartlessness? I have questioned how much of myself have I eroded away while being more upfront with my thoughts and less tactful. But I know that compassion still remains and what has eroded away has been replaced by truth.
And yet, here I sit… a little stuck. It feels like there’s a pressure sitting on this first entry. What kind of tone do I wish to set? Who is my audience? I have had a handful of other online journals in the last decade, all of which I ventured into via a friend’s request. I knew my audience. I knew what I wanted to broadcast and in what way to do it. But this time I’m joining no one. It’s just me. I have no target and thus am almost plagued with an expanse of freedom. Well… maybe freedom is the wrong word. I don’t know *who* is going to read this! I am writing this for myself, but it’s inevitable that someone else might find their way here too!! Do I sound two-faced?
I don’t believe I am. Admit it; you talk differently depending on your company. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s actually a good thing. To be able to use sophisticated humor specific to your occupation with your co-workers and then switch gears to simple readily apparent jokes with a child… how valuable is that ability! You aren’t two-faced. You’re adjusting yourself to be best understood, to communicate, to be compassionate…
I highly value my compassion and feel it is an integral part of who God created me to be. When I’m not employing it regularly I not only feel like I’m not being true to myself, but I also feel as though I am cheating God. I hate feeling that way! I recognize that in the past I have avoided that feeling to such a degree that I accommodate people more than I should. I lose sight of my compassion’s purpose. As soon as I allow that God-given talent to overtake me to the point of sacrificing truth, I have crossed the line. I allowed myself to become the proverbial doormat, the used-friend that will say yes to everything if only for the sake of pleasing another friend. I am happy to say that I have made progress in this area. I find myself being bolder and saying more of what I believe, because I know it has basis in truth. I can only be so kind until it loops around and what I perceive as kindness actually turns into duplicity (albeit unintentional) and that is not fair or kind to all parties involved! Breaking free from this has been difficult at times. Where in that loop of kindness dwells the line where I cross into heartlessness? I have questioned how much of myself have I eroded away while being more upfront with my thoughts and less tactful. But I know that compassion still remains and what has eroded away has been replaced by truth.
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