Losing a Friend

I just found out that my dearest friend here in Havre (aside from my husband) is moving.  I am crushed.  Part of me feels betrayed, but I know that's grief talking.

Francie's husband teaches at the college.  He is taking a job at a community college in Bend, OR.  They are an intelligent, goofy, Christ-loving pair.  It seems so rare to find a couple where both husbands and wives can feel comfortable together.  And to find fellow Christians whom you don't feel like you have to walk on eggshells around (because they are teetotalers) and yet aren't living off of cheap grace... those people are a special treasure.  This is who these people are to me.

My heart breaks for Ander.  He probably won't know what's going on, but their two year old Solomon is Ander's first friend.  He is the first non-family member that Ander will talk about and ask for.  He adores Solomon and looks forward to playing with him in the nursery each Sunday at church.  We live only a couple blocks apart and have enjoyed being able to have spontaneous visits to each other's houses.  Here I had been feeling so secure having a close friend so near going through the same seasons in life as me.  I had fantasized about our kids growing up together... not having to worry about what kind of home-life my children were being exposed to, because I trust and respect the other child's parents so much.  I feel like I'm back at zero.

Being friendly... I can do that.  I can do that quite well actually.  But I don't make close friends very readily.  It takes just the right person to make me feel safe enough to be vulnerable around.  I crave roots in my relationships as much as I do in my home.  I desire one woman I can feel close to and meet up with on the weekends for coffee.  Or sit with in the sunshine as our kids play on the slide.  I grieve.