Or perhaps they view having children as a status symbol, treating them like accessories while they are babies and then become disappointed when the child develops a will and opinions of his or her own. (These people need to just stick with pets instead of procreating... in my opinion).
And of course there's always the issue of pride and expectations. Parents want to impress the world with their successful child and wear it as a badge of honor when their expectations are met. My sister-in-law is Chinese (as in she was born and raised in China). Their culture really puts high expectations on their children. During a meal last year Li asked me what I wanted Ander to be when he grew up. I hope I wasn't too rude, but I recoiled and said, "No, no, no... we don't do that. All I want for him is to love Jesus." She looked taken aback. But desiring a specific occupation for a young child is commonplace for the Chinese.
Kyle and I have always thought that we want to place as little expectation on our children as possible. Rather, we'd like to encourage them, nurture natural talents or interests, and be proud of them even if they are collecting carts at Wal-Mart. If they have a relationship with Christ, nothing else matters. There's a kid we grew up with whom I am sure had a lot of expectations put on him, most of which he thrived under... but he's a jerk! His parents seemed to have decided that success in these few areas was of the utmost importance and his social skills and love for people suffered for it. As Kyle put it, "I'd rather our son be autistic, living at home, and loving Jesus like your brother Chisum, than winning championships, attending Ivy League schools, and jacked up on pride like that guy!"
Though once you find out your child has some sort of disability or illness, you can't help but be disappointed. And you realize that indeed, even we had expectations. When we found out Ander was blind we mourned. All I could think about were the things he wouldn't be able to do. No Easter egg hunts, no driver's ed., no hunting trips with dad, no arts and crafts with mom. I had expectations of my little boy jumping on a bike and taking off in utter joy. But even those simple expectations can't always be met. Then I realized that expectations aren't all bad. You assume your child will be able to see, hear, have a conversation with you. You expect your body to perform certain tasks, because the majority of people throughout history have been able.
With that said, I am so thankful that Ander was our first born. It was difficult at first, but we adapted to the idea of how to raise a vision impaired child. My copy of What to Expect in the First Year became dusty. We had consultants coming into our home assessing Ander's development and I gladly gave up comparing him to "normal" children. I hadn't had a baby before, so Ander was normal to me.
Having Solveig has been amazing! It is absolutely weird to have a baby who can see at this age and interacts with her environment! She turns her head to watch where her big brother is going. She smiles back at me when I smile at her. Ander didn't do that! His smiles were reserved for the changing table where he could see the outline of my figure with the help of the overhead light. He smiled when I did certain things with my voice. (Very audio-based child, when he hears his lullaby he's quiet and listens. His sister doesn't do this.) I am so glad that I didn't have a child to compare him to and I could be content with how he was growing. God has blessed us and he is seeing more than we ever expected. And another gift we've been given is to be astounded by the miracle of sight in our daughter. Never take these things for granted. For they are all blessings!
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